Amidst the concrete jungle that is the heart of Kuala Lumpur, you often find lush green gardens and parks that you could stroll in for ages. Quite like magic, sometimes you happen upon cool lakes and fountains in which you can rest your sore feet. This is an amazing place to not just get away from the noise and restlessness of corporate Malaysia but to find yourself in the middle of vibrant stories.

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The garden just behind the Petronas Towers

Like of old men who walk slowly but with purpose with their canes and backs bent without a care in the world. They have little bags under their armpits – old, faded, leather. Sitting on one of the benches of the park near a water fountain, I observed how the whole park was dotted with similar looking old men.

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Eventually they made their way to these unique benches and took out their priced treasures from their leather satchels – well used chess pieces and begin some of the most entertaining matches I’ve ever laid eyes on.

Sometimes, there are languages that transcends words – the li’l grunts on frustration or victory, the fist bumps, folding your hand over your chest and the most impressive of all, the toothless grin. These are universal and wherever I go, I keep my eyes peeled for them. They tell the best stories.

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Read more of my adventures abroad here – a story about my first time in Europe and the things I had to teach myself! : )

I wouldn’t call myself well-travelled, much as I might wish that I could. In fact, it has only been slightly longer than a year since, after thirty spent safely within the confines of the U.K. that I made my first trip beyond its borders. The half-week spent in France was enjoyable enough, but ultimately it was still work.

The second trip, only a month later, made it seem like nothing: two weeks in India, this time to meet the family of my soon-to-be-wife (clearly the visit went well.)

A year later, with the wedding coming ever closer, what do I remember most about that time?

All of those little things which didn’t just remind me that I wasn’t in England anymore, but also quietly pointed out just how far away I was.

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A typical Indian sunset

Not to say that the bigger things didn’t move me, of course. I still fondly remember all of the wonderful people I met and the things that I saw. I remember riding on an elephant, and the view from the top of the hill that took my breath away, home cooked food that made me weigh more when I got home than I had when I left and streets full of colour and life.

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A view of Mysore from Chamundi Hills

How could I forget the Buddhist temple, or the tigers that I insisted that I had to see, or the afternoon at a go-kart track beating everyone there, even though I had never sat in a go-kart before in my life.

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At the Mysore Zoo

I was even fortunate enough to step out of the cities for a few days, and see the places that most visitors to the country don’t even notice, like the villages where people live with so little, and yet are happier and more welcoming than most of the people I might pass in the street here in England, and an amazing school which does so much for the children in such places.

Every day was a completely different adventure.

This is me. On an elephant.

This is me. On an elephant.

On top of all of that, getting on a plane for long enough to get there was a big thing for someone who still gets a little nervous when crossing a large bridge.

But those little things were the moments that seem really special in my memory. The times that made me realise how far I had travelled just to be there, and that kept me watching everything, drinking in every detail of every little revelation.

Moments like looking up into a sky a clearer shade of blue than any I had seen before and watching hawks circling on wide wings overhead, when I am much more accustomed to seeing flocks of pigeons in grey skies. Or stepping outside with nothing on my feet to find that the ground isn’t cold.

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Definitely not a pigeon.

Or, the time that I looked at the clock on the wall only to be greeted with what had just crept out from behind it…

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My roomate

Now, in England a tiny spider on a wall is a not an unusual sight, but a lizard? While it’s true that there are wild lizards in this country, I’ve never seen one. And that’s not without having tried to spot one.

But how did my hosts respond when noticing my confusion at the guest so boldly sharing the room?

“What? It’s just a lizard on the wall. Oh, but don’t touch it, or it will urinate on you and give you a rash.”

I will never, ever forget how far from home I felt at that moment. Or how much I enjoyed the sensation.

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You already know Lex from my rants about the li’l Pea. And as you’ve guessed, that’s not his real name (Which is unfortunate because it would go SO well with his badass Secret Service type look. Every where we went, when he came to visit, people would stop and ask if someone famous was around). Matthew loves video games, my sister and otters and a way with words that I’ve always envied. 

This is going to be a bit different and A rated compared to my others posts. So brace yourselves  and if you’re in the mood for a story about my first trip overseas, read my guest blog over at 1001 Scribbles (where my friend Ana Silva posts some amazing travel stories and photos.) You might spot the inside of a UFO somewhere.

So it is Valentine’s Day today and we have to put up with posts that make us want to slit our wrists. This is normal. But with the turn of the century, we have new levels of craziness we have to deal with. And when I say crazy, I mean downright BIZARRE! And of all things weird, this TWIHARD nonsense just takes the cake. I mean, seriously, just take a look at the awkward places in which they put Robert Pattinson’s face and all the peculiar Twilight gifts you can buy your vampire crazy girlfriend or boyfriend.

1) Edward Cullen Tattoo

Nothing says “I love you” like a permanent tattoo – especially one that sparkles. Come on, you can’t get more thoughtful than this.

2) Panties Galore

The best thing about the Valentine excuse is that you can give your better half a gift that you can enjoy – yoga pants and lingerie and … well, you know what I mean. And for your Twilight crazy beau, I present you Edward Cullen on your crotch – Patti-Panties!

3) Come Alive at Night

If things get a bit frisky after your sexy panty walk, make sure to have these handy. Cover your stump before you hump, cloak the joker before you poke her – You get the drift.

 

4) Literary Love

For those intellectual types who want their lover to read more, make sure to buy them one of those classically tragic love stories – The Wuthering Heights. Not because it’s a brilliant book, but because it’s Bella and Edward Cullen’s most favourite literary piece. And if that doesn’t please them, paint a giant Edward sized shadow on the wall for those nights when you feel like being watched over. Not creepy at all!

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KILL ME NOW!

5) Take Matters Into Your Own Hands

For those who’re planning to spend Valentine’s alone, remember, you don’t have to. This piece of art has a deathly pale flesh tone that sparkles in the sunlight and retains cold temperature. The description said “Toss it in the fridge for that authentic experience”

Yes, yes. You can all thank me later!

KIDDING! Meanwhile, while I was considering making a giant ‘I hate Valentines Day’ banner to hang up on our terrace, I came across these totally geeky cards that used lame puns and some clever computer references that you know I LOVE!

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Awww, YAY for Binary Love! :)

Yes, yes we do!

Yes, yes we do!

And then there were these words that you would NEVER say in person but with those cute cartoons, how can you resist?

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Right back atcha, Jack Skellington

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I’d take a hammer to you too, sweetie!

He loves me. He really, REALLY loves me!

He loves me. He really, REALLY loves me!

And for those spamming meme sites with Forever Alone posts, here’s a piece of advice from the Great Interwebs!

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And my most favourite one – I’m pretty sure my brother secretly wrote this!

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To all of you who’ve put up with my shenanigans (I wanted some excuse to use that word. Okay?), Happy V-Day.

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LOVE YOU GUYS! <3

We decided to camp out because as warm nights usually go, this one was beautiful. The stars stretched infinitely above us like we were actually just in a planetarium – yes, I’m trying to compare the Tanzanian night sky to HD quality video. Sad, I know but you’d have to see it to believe it.

We had a bonfire going where we were roasting strips of meat as was customary and while enjoying our bottles of Serengeti, the topic of local legends came up. And then stories of fairy-tales and magic turn to horror stories.

MK – This isn’t anything like your Mohini/Noorie story from the other week. Our ghost is not a ghost. It’s more like an evil spirit-creature called Popo Bawa that goes around sexually assaulting its victims

Me – Of course, nothing says horror like “Bat Wing“. You sure you aren’t basing your hero on the DC Comic?

MK – Shush, stop interrupting. Legend has it an angry sheikh once summoned a djinni to take vengeance on one of his neighbors. And as you know, djinns are not to be messed with cause they are so clever. This one, like all others, obviously learnt how to dupe his master and escaped.

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Me – Obviously. And then it proceeded to make home in a lamp?

MK – Ha. Ha. It wouldn’t be as funny when it comes looking for you.

Me – Not really a problem. All I have to do is keep a look out for bats. Right?

MK – Hilarious, because the Popo Bawa is a very proficient shapeshifter that attacks at night. It enters a house, sodomizes all the family members and then threatens the family that if they don’t tell everyone about it, it would come back whenever the fancy struck it.

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Me – Yikes, how do you keep it away?

MK – Apparently, a fresh trail would smell like sulphur. When that happens, the entire family huddles outside by the fire and stays awake all night. Some have said that reading a few lines of the Koran will banquish it the same way holy water does.

Me – You’re then going to tell me about staying inside salt circles and using silver bullets aren’t you?

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MK – Popo Bawa has been sighted only near the coast – don’t think salt will have any effect. It’s curious though because the creature only seems to strike during great political unrest. There were reports of it during all the major elections that threatned to get ugly. There are even doctors that are willing to testify that they have treated numerous alleged Popo Bawa victims. They all say they haven’t seen the creature but have seen giant bat wing type shadows fall on them before the attack.

Me – No one’s tried exorcisms? I’ve been threatned a number of times with it cause I’m so “weird”

MK – There are some tribes that place charms at the base of fig trees or sacrifice goats and use its blood to guard their doors. In one village, apparently it possessed a young girl called Fatuma and had a deep man’s voice as it spoke through her and they heard the sound of a car revving on a nearby roof.

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Batman, is that you?

Me – WHAT? This is obviously a very new legend. You sure you didn’t just make it up after watching The Dark Knight?

MK – Hmmm, I might have to take you to the mganga (socerer). Evil spawn of the Popo Bawa.

Me – (looking terrified) What was that?

MK – (Anxiety Attack) What, what, what?

Me – FOOL! :D

It’s a pretty well-known fact that when I’m not obsessing about food, Google searches that lead to my blog and local legends, I’m swapping stories of bizarre dreams. So when I dreamt of fish trying to lose weight at a gym, my 5 years of education in psychology reminded me that I ought to be recording this. It would only be fair to my good friend Freud. No?

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And thus, Freudian Fridays was born – I’m going to go around collecting dream stories when people least expect it. I conducted an interview last Saturday and I secretly slipped in the “tell me your dreams” bit and he spoke about how he was teaching the pope chords to Stairway to Heaven. His li’l boy (age 4) told me about how Ben 10 and he were jamming to Back in Black (ONLY in Bangalore!)

I thought I’d start this off by inviting a guest-blogger. A good friend and fellow blogger Wilhelmina was my first obvious choice because we share a love of cheesecake and Star Wars. Apart from my obvious bias, I’ve been following her blog for over a year now and have never been disappointed. Head over to Lazy Happy Bored Happy Sad to read more.

Meanwhile, here is her Freudian Friday Story.

I‘m not a happy dreamer, sure there is the occasional nice story about vacation and flirting but the overall consensus seems to be that my brain is a rather dark place to be stuck in during a dream. Most of my dreams are quite bizarre, I don‘t know if dreams are even meant to make sense or not but for me – they usually don‘t. Maybe I’ve read too many crime novels and watched too many cop shows though some of the more terrifying dreams occur after reading romance novels and not after watching American Horror Story. Surprising, tell me about it!

When I‘m stressed, I move in slow motion through my dreams. I‘m chased by murderers and cannot get away from where I am until I wake up. I‘m being shot at but there is nothing to hide behind because I‘m stuck on the upper level of a house and most of the roof is already gone. Lightning kills a couple of people in a house. Or a rocket propelled grenade is aimed at the house I‘m currently living in with some friends and their kids and we just have time to flee from it, jump out of the windows and escape to the neighbouring house that is coincidentally my grandma‘s home before it bursts into flames. Oh, and never try to dream-stalk me by appearing in various dreams because I will yell at you that I’m gay and you will simply die, at least when you’re male.

The dreams that are most terrifying though are not the one‘s in which my deceased Mom is still alive or the one‘s I‘m chased by other people. It‘s the one‘s in which I can only look and not do anything.

There is a street with multi-level housing on both sides. On the ground floor of those houses are shops and the upper levels are apartments. I am living on one side of the street and as it happens I‘m looking at the flat just opposite me and there‘s a strange commotion going on. At first it‘s difficult to make out what is happening but after I recognised the act, I wish I hadn’t  There‘s a young girl being murdered, brutally hacked into pieces and I wish I could look away, unsee what I just saw but I can‘t.

On the floor above me lives a young man who is unfortunately not in his right mind. He‘s far from dangerous, seems like a sweet kid just not present like we ‘normal‘ people are. Why I have to think of him right now, I do not know, the thought of him just popped into my head as I still stare at the scene across the street from me. I‘m not even trying to hide my staring, it‘s getting dark outside but I haven‘t switched the light on yet. The thought of the murderer seeing me watching him doesn’t even register with me. It‘s like I‘m in  trance, unable to do anything but stand there and stare. A good person would have called the police instead of standing glued to the floor on the same spot doing nothing at all.

Suddenly though, something is making The Butcher (not sure where my subconscious knows the name from but let‘s just roll with it) stop and he moves to the window and then everything is catching up with me. My mind races. ‘Oh my good, he has seen me. He looked straight at my window, straight at me and he knows. He knows that I saw him.‘ Then I rush to the phone and call the police but as I wait for the ring he is gone from the window. I know my door is locked because it always is when I‘m home but will it keep him out long enough for the police to get here? I wait for him to get me – to try and open my door but nothing happens which is even more terrifying.

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Moments that feel like hours pass and then I hear the door in the flat above me being opened, the one the handicapped boy is living in. It must have been him The Butcher was staring at, not me, I think while sadness and relief are fighting for the upper hand on my emotions. The last thing I hear is the sound of metal on metal like the sharpening of a knife and then I wake up.

This still gives me chills and it‘s been years since that dream. Usually I fight in my bad dreams even if everything is moving painfully slow I try to do something. Not this time though, I‘m just frozen. The actions don‘t even concern me that much, the villain is not after me for once, I am just a spectator nothing more. I’m not sure why this is so scary for me. Maybe I’m afraid that I will be a bystander when I witness a crime or another kind of wrongdoing and won’t do anything to help because I’m too scared or whatever it is that’s keeping me from helping. From doing something – anything.

I don’t want to be that person, sure self perseverance is key but there is always something to be done. I hope that courage will find me when I truly need it and that my imagination won’t get the best of me. Until then, let’s just hope you never get stuck in my head while I’m asleep.

What do you make of the dream? Would Freud have  field day? Have you had similar dreams? Let us know!